One…Two…cha cha cha!

Ever had a year where you took two steps forward only to take four steps backwards, then went around round and round and now you have no clue where you stand? That’s my year in a nutshell.

I thought 2020 was the year that made us so uncomfortable that we have to grow but 2021 has made me so uncomfortable that I am lost. So lost that I hardly remember the events that have occurred. Much like my brain held on to some memories for so long that when things didn’t go the way that was fair, my brain has decided to discard memories of all kinds.

A year that left me confused and questioning my belief system. An emotionally exhausting year where I am still reeling out the events and trying to make sense. 2021 has led me to believe that I, truly have a weird life cos my problems are not remotely normal. They come with a weird twist and a textbook solution never works for it!

Also, a year where I realised that I live on autopilot mode. I have chores scheduled for 2-3 hours and the rest of the day I’m on autopilot and waste time! I’ve attempted to be intentional and keep track of time and Man! that was exhausting!

I’ve learnt that with the best intentions I have hurt and driven people away. I have to be more intentional and learn how I hurt people. I need to stop reacting to words and situations and start responding to them.

A year where I did one thing right for sure, I put a step forward work-wise. I’ve made more monies than I have last year and a part of my dream has started taking form. But the problem now is I have been so satisfied with one step that I haven’t thought of step two.

I feel like an overwhelmed juggler having to juggle to save my life! While in reality my life isn’t bad. It just feels like I’m not finding the solutions to the problems I have been carrying for a few years now and no matter what permutations and combinations, I use, I seem to take two steps forward and four steps backwards!

Would I undo 2021? as much as I’d want to say yes, I don’t really want to. Would I have liked to do it better, definitely! The silver lining to all my issues is that I have shed some inhibitions. As I process the events of 2021, I hope I have learned to process and respond better. I hope to be more understanding and be inclusive while not being self-sabotaging.

2022 will come with fiercer battles, but I hope to be kind and brave.

As I still attempt to find courage to step into 2022, Happy New Year!

Bring it on!!!

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